Looking in a mirror - Seeing Flaws.

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mclarke1987 (Michael Clarke)
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Newtyle, United Kingdom
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Looking in a mirror - Seeing Flaws.
4 years ago at 5:37 pm

Today I have sat thinking quite alot about myself, trying to understand more about who exactly I am & why I have become the person I am. I have decided to post this just publically own up to some of my flaws.

I'm a very opinionated person - especially when it comes to websites, I've designed websites since I was 11 and since I was 13 earned a decent living freelancing for people all over the world. Im pretty sure I was the only 13year old in my area earning around £1-1.5k a month. Because of this I got very cocky over time & believed I was special and my opinion was worth more than others or that I even had to share my opinion over every little thing. I noticed this especially reading over some of my recent responses on this site. For this I want to apologize as im sure I will have offended people, I'm seriously sorry for this and I hope you can accept my apology.

Preacher - Wasnt to sure how to headline this section, however I've spent alot of my time learning things as part of what I do I have a habbit of reading all the material on any topic I can get my hands on, including Poker. Because of this I believe that although I don't follow my own "rules" I should share them with others. Im not to sure if its a fault or just me being idiotic, I believe in theory I could be a very successful player but unfortunately due to several reasons I tend to lose my winnings shortly after I get them.

Addicted - I have addiction problems, I always have whether its to a website, a game, a concept anything. I find myself very easily addicted & lose track of time especially when I'm behind a pc. This is one of my big problems with poker, not necessarily my addiction to the game because I can & have gone long periods without playing, but more I have an inner urge to keep occupied, so if i'm not playing poker I'm writing about it, posting on forums, reading articles etc, however when I have a bankroll I cant walk away to do nothing so i tend to play & play until its all gone.


I've been told the first step to solving a problem is admitting it so I admit to all the above and i'm looking to take steps to solve them, as far as my "Addictive Personality" goes i've found spending more time with my family & just "checking" sites I use is working well, although I'm still very active & respond quickly I'm not constantly refreshing the page to get the latest info.


So I want to close up this blog message by saying sorry to anyone I may have offended its not something I do purposely more of a subconcious action I'm trying to resolve. If anyone wants to drop more problems about me on the comments that's fine & I wont get annoyed i'll read them and look at them seriously as I do want to become a better person.

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Comments
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      texaspear (Pair of twos) wrote Sunday, March 8, 2009 at 10:27 pm:
      Howdy,
      I just read your latest blog about you quitting poker & decided to go back a step or two to see what's up. I see that you have some insights about yourself that not many people can admit to openly. That is a great place to start, but do not go on this "voyage" alone! Enlist help where ever you can get it, friends ,family, physicians, forums, ect.
      One thing for sure don't panic. You're a mart fellow & all is not lost. Try focusing on the positive things. You have made some great contributions, don't forget that. And you have many people who love you & respect you, trust these people to help you through any ordeals you may face. You are not alone & you do not have to go through any of this alone, it bears repeating. Keep reaching out, you are headed in the right direction. Perhaps you can keep writing about this "personal revolution"& help not only yourself but others who may find themselves in similar states.
      NEVER GIVE UP! These words ring true in poker but also in your day to day life. So do what it takes to get yourself back on an even keel & remember you do don't have to do it alone.
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      stingeretta (Suspended) wrote Friday, March 6, 2009 at 10:14 pm:
      Very interesting blog. Sometimes I wonder if addictions are something that we feel very passionate about and we become like a sponge absorbing as much as possible quickly before we are full.? Realizing it is a temporary fulfilment; while all along we are searching for something...but not sure what it is.
      Just a thought
      Good luck we all have demons to conquer, you are truly blessed to realize your family and spending time with your family is rich in value and soothing to the heart,soul and piece of mind.
      You are a better person just from writing this blog and realizing issues in your life
      Take Care Moderation is key to all;)
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      channaplays (10 high) wrote Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 11:43 pm:
      Your alright too Cory ;) (No matter what everyone else says) hee hee jk!
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      Mafioso22 (PS Council) wrote Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 2:19 pm:
      channa is alright too, we made peace. called her a donkey also.
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      Mafioso22 (PS Council) wrote Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 2:19 pm:
      you alright.
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      channaplays (10 high) wrote Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 2:16 pm:
      I dont recall any negative or hurtful feedback from you. In fact, what I have read was insightful and intelligent. Admirable that you cant admit your faults(like I said, I haven't personally witnessed this). Your okay in my book. :)
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      ravehat (10 high) wrote Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 10:53 am:
      managing moderation is the hardest thing for those of us who are hedonists.
      try and think what is key to you wen ur guard is down. then follow ya gut.
      gl m8
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      borndeaf (Ace high) wrote Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 12:02 am:
      i see blood in your future and rain. wheres the tunes at.
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      raguli (Ace high flush) wrote Tuesday, March 3, 2009 at 9:06 pm:
      WE ALL HAVE ADDICTIVE TENDENCIES, MODERATION SEEMS TO BE THE KEY. GOOD TO TALK ABOUT IT AS ALWAYS, TAKE IT EASY
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      mfell313 (Jack high) wrote Tuesday, March 3, 2009 at 6:14 pm:
      I think you should sit for a few again and do the same thing...only focus on the positive things about yourself. And don't invite other ppl to focus on negative things about you either. Instead work on doing more of the good things...or improving on them.
      Focusing your attention on the negative will do more damage than good.
      Nice post.
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